just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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