wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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