Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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