Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
