so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
