Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
