My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
