I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
