I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
only you would photoshop your dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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