I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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