ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
