Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
