I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
