He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Randomize
