I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
