But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
