im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
