I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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