She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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