he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
