haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
