Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
