if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
