So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
