this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
