I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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