my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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