Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
