8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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