Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
