Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
