matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
