Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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