Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
