Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
