new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
