I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
