I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
