I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
