i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
