dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
