I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
