i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
