I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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