I wish I could punch you in the face.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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