Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
