im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
