when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
