I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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