I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
