We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
