The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
