windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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