he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
