So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
