Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
