You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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